Introduction: I didn’t want to write this blog

11 Feb

See, I’ve done the feminist blogging this before. Been there, done that, bought the incredibly disturbing t-shirt. (Or made. Whatever.) Ultimately I got burned out on blogging, converted the blog to a reference site, and hung up my blogging hat. I’ve been enjoying these last few months of not blogging, too. So what changed my mind? What made me hop back on the blogging bicycle? (Yes I’m mixing my metaphors. Shut up.)

Well, as the name of the blog might imply, I got pregnant. I’m a first time mom, so this is a pretty new experience for me. But as soon as I started telling people, I couldn’t help but feel weird about some of the things that started happening. My feminism senses were tingling again and I started getting the itch to write about it. Maybe online in some kind of irregularly published format… Like… a blog…

But no! That way lay madness! So I repressed the urge. I wasn’t going to blog about feminism again. I wasn’t! …obviously that didn’t last. So what happened? Well, two things.

1) Last week I finally announced to all my friends that I was pregnant at a large party. A male friend congratulated me, then observed that I’d now get to deal with people judging me about every decision I make through the rest of my pregnancy and beyond.

And it was true! So true! Within about twenty minutes of telling my co-workers (previous to the party), one of them scolded me quite harshly when I confessed that I’m not sure I want to be pregnant again after this pregnancy, since it’s been a rough first trimester. “DON’T YOU DARE,” she told me, and then proceeded to lecture me about how awful it is to be an only child. Even at the party, people made comments casually assuming what decisions I would be making regarding the baby like “but you’ll be breast-feeding by then” or “you’ll still be home with the baby at that point”.

What is it about being pregnant that strips away your autonomy to make decisions about your baby’s future? Seriously, people. I almost wanted to start a blog right there and then so I could write about how messed up that is. (Though let’s be clear. I know that my friends were very well-intentioned and didn’t intend any offense.)

2) Reflecting on some of this stuff, I posted on facebook that I was thinking about starting a blog and oh god someone talk me out of it nooooowwww. The response I got was… well… not exactly what I was looking for:

…and on in that vein. So here I am, giving in to the inevitable. To the male friend who made the incredibly accurate observation at the party (you know who you are) and to the friends who didn’t talk me out of this: this is all your fault.

So what can I expect?

For those of you coming from Go Make Me A Sandwich, I’m going to moderate comments extremely heavily. This is a much more personal blog about a personal experience that happens to be written from a feminist perspective. My tolerance for trolling, or even snark, will be very low. Also, don’t expect huge, well-researched posts. For the most part you’ll get feminist rambling with a side of sarcasm. My intention is absolutely not to make this yet another ‘oh god pregnancy is hard whinypants’ blog. The internet has enough of those, thanks.

I’m not sure how often I’ll post, but I imagine I have more to say on the subject that I think I do. (That’s how it happened last time.) I also may or may not continue the blog after the baby is born. We’ll see. I’m pretty much playing this by ear.

Wundergeek out. (For now)

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21 Responses to “Introduction: I didn’t want to write this blog”

  1. Meguey February 12, 2012 at 1:42 am #

    Rock on. I spent 12 years as a facilitator/counselor for new moms, and this is *exactly* the sort of thing I wish I could have directed my clients to. I look forward to reading along 🙂

  2. Pai February 12, 2012 at 5:55 am #

    I am an ‘only child’. I had a happy childhood and never felt ‘deprived’ or awful about it. On the contrary, I liked not having to compete for my parents attention, and my parents tell me now that they are glad they were able to provide more trips (we traveled to many national parks when I was small) and other enrichment that they wouldn’tve been able to afford if they had had multiple kids, since we were on the low end of middle class.

    I hate the stigma against people only have one kid, as if it’s child abuse. I find it offensive and insulting to my parents and to me.

  3. Ivan February 12, 2012 at 7:05 am #

    Hi Ivan here.
    First off: Congratulations.
    Second off: Thank you for pointing me towards gagging on sexism.
    Third off: I am curios about one thing: Was this a planed pregnancy or did it just happen?

    • wundergeek February 13, 2012 at 1:50 pm #

      Thanks for the congratulations, but… dude, that is a super-personal question.

  4. Chris February 12, 2012 at 7:36 am #

    It is indeed bizarre how pregnant women suddenly become community property, more or less.

  5. Anon February 12, 2012 at 8:47 am #

    [Deleted for trolling]

    • Chris February 12, 2012 at 9:33 am #

      Being poor or living somewhere where there’s air pollution is also bad for the baby, technically. Therefore: all poor parents in urban areas are child abusers?

    • Pai February 12, 2012 at 9:43 am #

      Not breastfeeding a baby is child abuse? Are you serious?!

  6. Mirasiel February 12, 2012 at 1:11 pm #

    Congrats on the sprogging Wundergeek 🙂

    I’d say ‘be prepared for people to say stupid/offensive things to you’ but it seems reality beat me to that punch. I figure people think that as your waist band goes up in size, your brain shrinks, but thats just my personal observations…what with me never having been preggers or being capable of it.

    Hey maybe this blog will be therapeutic and squashing trolls will help you with all the other various ‘joys and wonders’ of pregnancy 🙂

    Either way I expect it’ll be interesting and an informative read 🙂

  7. kinelfire February 12, 2012 at 2:22 pm #

    Oooh, if you’re on the twitters, look for @babygenderdiary. They might also have a blog, I can’t remember. Their focus is on the expectations once the child is born, but there’s an overlap, I think.

    Good luck to you and miniWundergeek (?)!

  8. Eric S. Piotrowski (@DukeSkath) February 12, 2012 at 2:26 pm #

    Thank you for continuing to blog. I enjoyed GMMaS immensely, and I look forward to more entertaining and insightful stuff here.

  9. pat anderson February 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm #

    I look forward to reading your blog!

  10. J February 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm #

    Congrats! As a brand new Mom (first full day at home from the hospital) I can relate to the comments about having another child. My Mom bought 2 cards for the birth, one pink, one blue. We found out at delivery it was a ‘blue’ and in the recovery room my Mom let me know she was saving the other card for ‘the next one.’ I very sharply told her that this is the only one, as ive said countless times, only to be given all those comments that some only-children and mothers who are past child bearing age who regret only having one and eager grandpatents feel the need to force on you. As if its like getting a 2nd dog to play with your first dog (which is no small life decision either). My favorite is when people who now have grown children claim that 2 is easier. I don’t know what sick brain voodoo has been pulled on them by their rotting mind, but I don’t buy it for one moment. So, the comments don’t stop at pregnancy and I imagine don’t stop ever. I’ll be attempting to find the delecate balance between humor, downright shrewdness and stabbing (with my eyes at least) Looks like Ive hijacked your comments, but the wound is fresh. Literally. Looking forward to reading your writings.

  11. the_nita February 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm #

    People are going to tell you what to do. Fortunately, you can tell them where to go.

    For Chris – not only will they treat you like community property, they’ll happily walk up to you (when the belly is BIG) and start touching your stomach like it isn’t attached to you.

    The worst part for me was trying to tell little old ladies where they could shove their inappropriate touching. Like beating on kittens, I tell you.

  12. Jeremy February 12, 2012 at 10:50 pm #

    Congratulations!

    Of course, you’ll obviously be taking regular breaks from blogging, because sitting too much is bad for the baby (probably).

    :p

    Glad to see you writing again, I was a big fan of GMMAS

  13. Harrow February 12, 2012 at 11:20 pm #

    Wundergeek: Stop me before I blog again!

    Friends: Do it! Do it! Do it!

    Personally I think it’s a great idea. Should be interesting/eye-opening to see all the kinds of patronizing treatment you get. And hopefully some genuinely supportive attitudes too.

  14. Erin February 13, 2012 at 4:11 am #

    Congratulations on the pregnancy and it’s good to have you back! I’m very curious to hear about your experiences as a pregnant feminist; it really isn’t something I’ve heard much about.

  15. Clayton February 13, 2012 at 7:38 am #

    My wife and I are expecting our second daughter in a few weeks. Congrats!

  16. RdGkA February 13, 2012 at 9:33 am #

    I wish you (both) and your blog the best, but pink (even tongue-in-cheek) stinks 😉

  17. Orcus February 13, 2012 at 2:44 pm #

    I’ll be paraphrasing, but I remember a great saying that pregnancy/parenting is a topic where you will get two equally renowned books side-by-side with completely contradictory advice.

    It’s definitely a 3 people = 4 different opinions kind of subject that can induce some cognitive dissonance, and I’ll do my best to make sure I avoid unintentional/awkward/offensive comments.

    Many congratulations and best of luck, good Wundergeek!

  18. Beast of the Sea March 4, 2012 at 5:46 am #

    Speaking as an only child, I’ve never felt any great need for a sibling. *shrug*

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